


Daily Depression Of Matsuno Karamatsu

by CSPhantomhive



Category: m: おそ松くん| Osomatsu-kun (Anime 1988), おそ松くん| Osomatsu-kun (Anime 1966), おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Biting, Burning, Cutting, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CSPhantomhive/pseuds/CSPhantomhive
Summary: Karamatsu angst for those in need.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my English. Please just look at the plot instead of my grammar mistakes. Thank you^^

Just an usual night for Karamatsu. Cutting in the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet and watching blood dripping into the hole. Carving words into his arm.

Painful.

Ugly.

Waste of space.

Basically me.

He was crying. Silently but if anyone payed close attention, they could hear him. Not that his brothers would though. They never cared about him. Why now?

 

There was a knock on the door.  
"Oi, Shittymatsu! I know it's you in there! Get out so I can take a shit"

Karamatsu got up and flushed the toilet. "Which one of my magnificent brothers are you?" Karamatsu bit his lip. Faking emotions is hard.

"It's your one and only Nii-Chan! Now come out!"

"Okay okay my dear brother! Let me just wash my hands while I'm in here!" That too, was a lie. He wasn't washing his hands. He was just cleaning the newly cut wounds of his.

"Okay okay, just hurry up! Why are you up at this hour anyways?"

Karamatsu needed a lie. A very fast and believable one.

"Oh, I just saw a new and cool trick to get a Karamatsu girl in my dream! I was practicing what I saw!"

"Ouch ouch ouch stop!! Too painful Shittymatsu! Just get out already"

Karamatsu knew his brothers reaction would be exactly that. Fortunately that gave him enough time put bandage around his cuts. He quickly rolled down his sleeves and got out of the bathroom.

"It's now free to use my dear brot-"

"Yeah yeah, just shut up and go away already"

"Maybe I will" Karamatsu said under his breath.

"What was that?" Osomatsu questioned.

"I said goodnight brother!"

"Yeah, whatever"

Osomatsu got into the bathroom while Karamatsu went to their bed. Only for few minutes though. He took his jacked and got out carful enough to not make any sound. Just as he was walking away from the house he looked back once more, and never again.


	2. First Scream For Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karamatsu tries his best to get help

5 WEEKS BEFORE

 

Karamatsu was first to wake up. He usually got up first on purpose because he didn't want others to see his self-harm scars. Well, some of them weren't old enough to be called scars so might as well just call them wounds.

He unbuttoned his pyjama top and took it off. After folding it neatly he took off his pyjama bottom too and folded just like before. He putted them in the cabinet then took his pants to wear it. After sliding his blue hoodie on his head to his chest he took his wallet and went out.

The walk didn't take too long, just two minutes. But oh boy was those two minutes enough for him to hate himself a bit more. He was going to the market to buy some beer. Depression made him kinda an alcoholic. He thought of buying some for his brothers too but then he remembered. They would probably hate to get something from him. Not probably, they WILL hate it. Karamatsu got mad at himself for thinking about his brothers. His brothers didn't want that.

He arrived at the market and bought six cans of beer. He still couldn't get himself to not do anything nice to his brothers. He payed the money and got off the store.

While walking down the street he saw a store that selled accessories. He saw a bracelet that had a skull on it. It was just two hundred yen so he decided to buy it. As soon as he bought the bracelet he wore it and smiled to himself. It looked so cool.

After two minutes of walking plus some time he spended in the accessories store he arrived home. He shouted his arrival but no one responded. He took off his shoes and got in. Just as he entered the living room his brothers noticed him. Well, not him but what was in the bag. 

"Wow, Karamatsu- Niisan! You bought some beer?!" 

"Oh my god, don't tell me you were going to drink all that by yourself!"

"I-" Karamatsu tried to speak but they cut him off.

"How cruel of you! Share some with us!"

"Tch, Kusomatsu"

Each of the brothers took one can except for Osomatsu. He took two cans and laughed. "You bought two for me? How nice of you!"

"Well, that's actu-"

"Shut up Osomatsu! He probably bought it for me!"

While they were fighting for the extra can of beer Karamatsu left the room and went to the roof.

The roof was peaceful. No. The roof was once peaceful. Now, Karamatsu didn't have time for himself from his own thoughts and feelings. He had the same feeling everytime he was alone. Sadness? Loneliness? No, that wasn't it. Not quite right. Ah, yes. Depression. That feeling of self-hatered. That horrible horrible thought of not being wanted around. It was driving him crazy he wanted to shout and let it all out but couldn't. He was scared of what to come next. 

Karamatsu got up and went to the bathroom. After he locked the door he took out the sharp razor blade from where he had hidden before and rolled up his hoodies sleeves. That feeling of sharp cold metal pressing down his arm made him feel calm again. Safe perhaps. He liked the feeling, also hated how much he liked it. But just for few minutes, nothing mattered anymore. He was away from his thoughts. He was peaceful once more. Just for few minutes yeah, but the best few minutes he ever had.

That was until his thoughts came back as the blood dripping down from his arm dried up. They were too laud. He hated. He wished he could just take off his head or maybe fall asleep but nothing would make it stop for long enough. Maybe suicide? No, he was scared as hell from dying. He let out a very painful and laud shout from frustration and the pain of accidentally cutting himself a bit too deeper than the normal. He quickly got up and proceeded to clean his arm. Some alcohol maybe for the bacteria or some shit and some bandages around the arm.

As he got up he heard a know on the door. "Karamatsu-Niisan, are you okay?" It was Jyushimatsu. Of course it was Jyushimatsu. No one else cared enough for him anyway. 

"Yes, just practicing!"

"Practicing? For what?"

Karamatsu unlocked then opened the door and looked Jyushimatsu in the eye. "Secrets are just for that person ownselves so, I can't tell you"

"Awww"

. . .

Everyone else except for Karamatsu and Todomatsu had left for the bathhouse. Todomatsu didn't go for some 'personal' reason. Others joked about if he was on his period but Todomatsu just gave them a very angry look and they all went away.

About ten minutes of silence and Todomatsu spoke. "What was that shout about?"

Karamatsu was surprised at first but he responded. "Nothing"

"If you have a problem you can always tell me"

No no, something was off. Should be tell him? Maybe he can finally get some help. "I. I am depressed"

Todomatsu looked up from his phone to his brother. "No you are not. Why do think like that?"

"I have this really bad feeling when I'm alone like-"

Todomatsu started to laugh. "That's called boredom idiot! Wow, how stupid can someone actually be!"

Karamatsu gave a fake laugh, "Haha, yeah. I guess that's it! How did I not realize that!" He squeezed his fist really tight. Yeah, that's probably it.


	3. Secret of Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 weeks before
> 
> Someone finds out about Karamatsu's depression.

4 Weeks Before

 

After attempting to get help from someone and failing miserablely, Karamatsu gave up on getting any help from anyone at all. He secretly promised himself that if Todomatsu was willing to help him, he would tell his whole family about his depression. That was his plan A.

Plan A failed and it was time for planning B, which you are pretty familiar by now; Self-Harm.

After Todomatsu thought he was just a stupid person who couldn't even realize the difference between depression and boredom, his self harm addiction got the worst of him.

He would usually give his wounds a day or two to heal before cutting again but now it was a torture to spend an hour without self harming.

Yeah, that's bad and all but unfortunately it wasn't the worst part. As days passed by his arms just didn't have any more space to cut anymore. So he started cutting on his thighs. But no matter how much he cutted, he couldn't feel the relief after cutting anymore.

He started biting his fingers, then his hands. It was getting out of control. He thought, if he stayed clean for just few days, then maybe, just maybe he could feel relieved again after self harming.

So that's what he was doing now. Trying his best not to self harm. Playing guitar, watching the ocean, counting the people who pass by, cooking, eating and sometimes even fapping to keep himself busy. 

One day in and Karamatsu was out of ideas to keep himself busy. His so called brothers went to somewhere while he was sitting at the kitchen. He didn't really pay attention to what they were saying. He just said "No" and they went out without saying anything. Or maybe they did but Karamatsu just wasn't listening. 

He stared at the stove for a good minute or two. Thinking if he should cook or not. He decided to make some omurice. He got up and turned on the stove. As he was putting the pan on the stove, because he was so careless, he burned himself a bit. He felt pain and was about to put some ice on it, until he got a horrible idea.

If cutting and biting wasn't relieving enough for him, maybe _burning_ would be enough. 

Karamatsu rolled up his sleeve and got the pan off the stove. He was few cm away from the stove when someone yelled his name and pulled him back. He fell on his back and looked up to see Jyushimatsu. Tears was already forming at the sides of his eyes.

"Nii-san! What are you doing?!"

Karamatsu got up and quickly rolled down his sleeve.

"I saw it already Nii-san! Why would you hurt yourself!"

Karamatsu turned off the stove and looked at Jyushimatsu. As if he was burning up with anger.

"Why. The hell. Are you here??"

"I-I forgot my baseball bat and came back to get it. Thank god I came back or I wouldn't have found you!"

"You shouldn't have"

Jyushimatsu looked surprised.

"What are you saying? It's a good think that I have! I know what to do, we need to let everyone know-"

Karamatsu quickly pulled Jyushimatsu up by the collar of his hoodie.

_**"Tell anyone and you are FUCKING dead"** _

Karamatsu threw Jyushimatsu on the floor and left the room. Jyushimatsu looked at the back of his brother in terror as he left the kitchen. Scared to even get up. Feeling hopeless. Worried about his brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone else finds out when Karamatsu couldn't keep it in anymore

3 WEEKS BEFORE

 

 

A week has passed by since Jyushimatsu found out about Karamatsu's depression and self harm addiction. Karamatsu was still feeling horrible because of how badly he treated Jyushimatsu the day he found out. He was avoiding his brothers more and more as each day passed by. He never talked to Jyushimatsu after the incident. To be honest, what would they even talk about? It was crystal clear..

 

_Karamatsu was addicted to self harm like some kind of drug and no one could do anything about it._

 

If Karamatsu was no good for himself, why would the others would be good for him? He didn't deserve to be happy. He didn't deserve to be treated. Not like he thinks he could be treated at this point. He is too broken. Trying to help him would be like trying to stick back a shattered plate. You can try to glue the pieces back together, but since they are all over the place, you will never succeed.

Karamatsu had stopped buying alhol two weeks ago. His brothers would judge him for being selfish whenever he bought beers for everyone so he just stopped. Instead, he started smoking more. He knew none of his brothers was smoking and was a little surprised at himself for starting to smoke. He always thought it would be Osomatsu. He was always the first, but not the first at few things. Like smoking, or noticing how broken one of your brothers is.

 

It was just another night at the Matsuno house. Karamatsu stayed behind when everyone else went to the bath house. He knew they would come back late, since they almost always went to Chibita after taking a good bath.

Karamatsu got the fuuton out from the cabinet and laid down with six pillows and a long blanket. He hopped into his place and tried to get some sleep. But he couldn't. He turned to left, then to right and then to left again. He just couldn't fall asleep. He got up and looked out from the window. He normally loved looking out but his brain just wasn't processing what he was seeing. He stared outside for a while then turned around. Only to see and realize truly how alone he is.

He shivered. He hated being alone. He always had. But no one noticed. Or maybe they did but never really cared. Karamatsu was always scared of little things when he was young. Whether it was the dark, the loud noises, the thunderstorms or loneliness. His brothers where always there for him when he was young. So what did change? What did he do to make them hate him so much?

Karamatsu got down on his knees.

"I'm sorry"

He hid his face behind his hands.

"I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being painful. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for being a horrible brother. I'm sorry for being around. I'm sorry for being a failure. I'm sorry for never being enough. I'm sorry that everything is my fault. I'm I'm sorry for living. I'm sorry for not dying. I'm sorry for being me. I'm sorry for being Matsuno Karamatsu. I'm sorry"

He was crying. He hasn't cried for few months and was keeping it in but in a moment of weakness, he let his emotions show through.

"Don't hate me, I'm sorry. I'll be better, I  won't be painful. I'm sorry. Don't leave me"

He cried and cried and cried until he had no more tears to shed. He was finally able to sleep after crying so much. Just moments after he fell asleep Ichimatsu entered the room.

 

 

**He had heard everything.**


	5. Chapter 5

2 WEEKS BEFORE 

 

 

 

 

 

Every since that day (y'know, last chapter) things were getting worse. Actually, no. Let me improve that. Things were getting worse in Karamatsu's mind. He was changing. In a bad way. He was not scared of dying anymore. He was thinking that it might actually feel good. He would be happy. His brothers would be happy. Everyone would be happy without Karamatsu.

 

Who was Karamatsu anyway? A cause of pain to the soul? That's what his brothers say. What if he is nobody? No, he can't be nobody. He is here, right now, at this very moment. He exists. But. What if he WAS nobody? What if he wasn't here, right now, at this very moment. What would change? What wouldn't? Would anything even change? 

 

In case you haven't noticed yet, since last week, Karamatsu has been having suicidal thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

He had stopped self harming about two days ago. He was going to end it all so what was the point of suffering? He has been looking happier, more energetic. Everyone was thinking that he had found himself a "Karamatsu Girl" but actually he was happy because..

 

"I'm finally going to be free"

 

It was him Jyushi, Ichi and Choro in the living room. There was a silince before that and everyone looked at Karamatsu when he said that a bit too loud. Choromatsu was looking at him with a confused look on his face while Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu were looking at him with a horrified look.

"Oh, sorry my dear brothers! You see, I was just thinking of a song. I'm sorry if I bothered you!"

Choromatsu rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, whatever" and he continued reading his manga.

Karamatsu got up and left the room, not noticing his two younger brothers who were following him. As he was about to get out from the house a hand grabbed his arm. He looked at who it was and was surprised to see Jyushimatsu.

"Oh, hello my little sunshine! Do you need something?"

Jyushimatsu stayed silent for few minutes before saying anything.

"Karamatsu-niisan..."

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" 

Karamatsu was a bit surprised. Of course he was fine! Why wouldn't he be?

"Of course I'm fine! Why did you ask that my dear brother?"

Before Jyushi could answer Ichimatsu started speaking. "Because I happened to find out something. And I'm not happy about it"

Karamatsu was confused. "Well, what did you find about Ichimatsu?" He asked. But there was something wrong. He wasn't sad or worried. He wasn't panicking. Karamatsu was surprisingly very calm and...happy.

"Karamatsu-niisan, do you hate yourself?"

Karamatsu laughed. "No, I don't. Why do you think that brother?" he smiled. It wasn't even a sad or a fake smile. Karamatsu was genuinely smiling.

"Because...."

"Because he saw your scars you bastard! And I heard you when you were crying in our room! You are clearly not okay. You might not believe it but we care about you and we are worried about you!"

Karamatsu smiled and got closer to Ichimatsu face.

**"No you don't"**

He said with a big smile on his face then just walked away.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu looked at each other then went back inside. 

"Choromatsu-niisan..."

Choro looked up from his manga. "What is it, Jyushimatsu?"

_"Karamatsu-niisan is not okay"_


	6. Chapter 6

"Karamatsu-niisan is not okay"

Choromatsu tilted his head. "What do you mean he is  _not okay_?"

Jyushimatsu glanced at Ichimatsu. He felt bad for what was he about to tell Choromatsu. He felt like he was betraying Karamatsu. Ichimatsu nodded to encourage him. Jyushimatsu took a deep breath and spoke.

"I think, no, we think, Karamatsu-niisan is...feeling bad."

Choromatsu sighed, "Can you elaborate a bit more?"

"He-" Jyushimatsu tried to speak but Ichimatsu cut him off.

"He is feeling like shit. He thinks we don't want him around. He is hurting himself and I think he is planning to leave us forever"

Ichimatsu looked down. Jyushimatsu felt nervous. Choromatsu was surprised. He wasn't expecting the thing they were going to tell him to be this serious. He was worried. He knew he couldn't do much. He needed his older brother's help.

"Osomatsu" he finally managed to say after few awkward seconds of silence.

"We need Osomatsu"

* * *

 

1 WEEK BEFORE

 

 

 

They weren't been able to tell about Karamatsu to Osomatsu yet. They, however, already told Todomatsu about it. Todomatsu was, just like Choromatsu, very surprised when they told him. Not as surprised as he should've been though. A part of his always knew about it, but was too afraid to face it. He haven't want to accept it and now, he was worried that he was too late.

The four of them have been trying to get some alone time with Osomatsu to tell him about Karamatsu but none of them were successful. Osomatsu was either sleeping or too drunk to understand what was being told to him. They lost hope on telling Osomatsu halfway through the week. They decided to focus on Karamatsu before trying to speak with Osomatsu again. 

It was hard to notice if something was wrong about Karamatsu. He was behaving just like himself. Choromatsu and Todomatsu sometimes even wondered if Karamatsu was really depressed or not. But then they noticed something odd, he was trying too hard to look happy.

It was a normal tuesday afternoon. All of them had woke up extremely late and were just having breakfast. Karamatsu finished his food pretty quick, to be honest he didn't even really eat much. As soon as Karamatsu got up, the four of them followed him to the living room. Osomatsu didn't notice the ebsence of his brothers because he was too sleepy.

Karamatsu didn't notice the four of them following him. He entered the living room and closed the door behind him. He didn't know that his younger brothers were listening to him.

"Ah, such a wonderful day! I should probably head out and enjoy the perfect whether!"

"What is he talking about?" They continued listening.

"Fuck. Why am I doing this? Why am I practicing for an act that I know they wouldn't care? For how long do I need to keep this shit up?! I'm tired, I don't want to act anymore. I don't want to feel sad. I don't want to be painful. I don't want to be"

Then there was silence.

"I don't want to be me anymore. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck dammit fuck"

They were about to enter the room when Osomatsu came.

"Hey, what are you guys doing there?"

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Please give kudos and make some comments if you liked it or have any ideas to improve my work.
> 
> See you guys in the next chapter!!


End file.
